Ass Play

Ass Play goes with lube, like salt & pepper, pastrami on rye, Raggedy Ann and Andy. I personally think it is difficult to use too much lube during ass play.  Seriously. There are lots of different kinds of lube, water base, oil base and silicone.  Finding one you prefer means getting samples or trying different small bottles until you find one that you are happy with the product.  They keep making new brands of lube, so don’t just pick one forever, be open to trying different ones again.  Water based lube and silicone lube are fine to use with latex condoms.  Oil base lube is not good to use with a latex condom.  You might like water base lube for other sex play but not for anal play.  If you like it, you need to keep the bottle right there at hand so you can reapply because that area, the rectum is a mucus membrane,  is going to absorb water.  I love silicone lube for ass play and jacking off but it messes up the integrity of my silicone toys.  I love oil base lube with my anal toys.

Be aware that if you are dehydrated, anal sex maybe more uncomfortable.  Drink water before engaging in ass play at least an hour before.  Anal sex is not supposed to hurt, so if it does, you are taking the wrong approach or something is amiss.  Some people like pain,  discomfort and intense sensations but generally speaking, in regards to ass play, if it hurts more than you can stand, this is right before something gets torn or starts to bleed.

The Anal hole has suction power.  The sphincters of the anus are quite powerful and the inner sphincter is not easily controlled.  Anything doe snot have a wider base than rest of the object or a handle to hold onto can be pulled into the relaxed cavity.  Retrieving an object and getting it out is not always easy. Thus the notorious emergency room list of foreign objects retrieved from the rectum.

If you google “Ass Play”, “Anal Play”, “What can go wrong with Anal Play” (and I use google a lot – google is my friend), google gives you an immense amount of material and images that tell you


• Use a light bulb as a butt plug.

• Decide lube is for sissies.

• Use Bengay as lube

• Think a broom handle is a butt toy.

• Screw your girlfriend without lube.

• Screw your boyfriend without lube.

• Think a guy is gay because he likes butt sex.

• Think a guy is straight because he doesn’t like butt sex.

• Use Tiger Balm as lube.

• Use booze as an enema and wondered why they died of alcohol poisoning.

• Keep ass fucking after they say stop.

• Be certain that anal sex is sick and mentally unhealthy.

• Believe that sticking to butt fucking keeps a girl (or a boy) a virgin. Lets get this straight – You’re not a virgin. You’re a closeted, repressed, waste of a good slut.

• Use a banana, salami, cucumber, flashlight or a vibe without a flange base to stick up the butt, think your lubed fingers can hold it against the vacuum properties of a body and not think it’ll get lost.

• Believe that anal sex is always dirty and stinky.

• Be convinced that regular anal sex will stretch out a butt, anal hole and you’ll have to wear a diaper.

• Give yourself a chunky fruit yogurt enema.

• NOT wear a rubber because you’re sure you can’t get STDs from butt sex.

• Believe anyone you just picked up when they tell you their clean so there’s no need for rubbers.

• Wear a latex condom and use oil or oil based lube for ass pounding. And then wonder why the rubber broke.

• Be convinced that a girl can get pregnant from anal sex.

• Lovingly fondle butt or bare-hand fist after cutting chili peppers and not thoroughly washing your hands.

• Sit your naked ass and ass hole on a cat hair covered sofa when you’re severely allergic to cats.

• Grip a baseball for handballing to commemorate your team’s victory. Then wonder why it’s stuck. Better hope the ER surgeon’s a baseball fan too.

• Reenact “Brokeback Mountain” and just use spit for lube. Yes, it was a sexy scene, but don’t.

• Decide to make a mold of your rectum using quick drying concrete.

• Lube up with transmission hydraulic fluid, Vicks Vaporub or liquid latex.

• Push the handle loop of the anal beads up there for good measure. Then wonder how to get it out. • Insert four billiard balls. Three retrieved. Panic. Jump up and down. Run to toilet and bear down. Shoot last ball out like a cannon and break the toilet. Call the plumber in the middle of the night.

• Think that a string tied to the stem is a good safety precaution when shoving the apple up the butt.

• Run out of lube and use mystery lotion instead, then find their “parts” rubbed raw and bleeding. Then read the label closely to find out “pumice” is an ingredient of foot care cream.

Necessity may be the mother of invention. Profit may be the father of innovation. Sexual desperation is not a good reason for doing insane things.

To clear  up some myths about anal sex:

The only thing anal sex says about one’s orientation is that they have a pulse and their sexual brain function is on track. It doesn’t have any correlation with whom you like to fuck or be fucked by. The ass is universal. However you like to use it, we all have one.   Plenty of hetrosexual men enjoy prostate simulations of all sorts. Plenty of gay men don’t like ass sex. If a guy gets his ass pegged and “turns gay”, he’s been looking all this time for a good segue way to come out of a closet.