1. Always Show Respect
You might have a bit of cognitive dissonance when you are paying for the experience of realizing your fantasy or actually doing a fetish or kink you have only thought about or have only seen pictures of before. It’s the whole issue of doing something you fantasize about that also scares or disgusts you OR you are adventuring into the unknown, something you have never done before — and this is true for those that solicit women, as well as those that solicit men. Regardless of how you feel about us personally, we are still human. And that means we’re owed respect. Here are some ground rules we’d like you to follow:
- Sex workers still retain the right to say no.
- You should always pay for the activities upfront and have exact change, or if your bills go over, you give that and it is on you.
- Don’t make a sex worker ask for payment. Everything will go much better if you pay at the very beginning.
- Unless a sex worker agrees ahead of time, always plan to wear a condom.
- Never use violence. Negotiate your play. The difference between abuse and bdsm play that includes erotic spanking, flogging, etc. is agreed upon negotiation, which makes it consensual.
- Unless other arrangements have been made, you must pay in cash; arriving with gifts, alcohol, drugs, gift cards or a credit card won’t suffice.
- Do not haggle nor barter the sex workers price. It demonstrates a lack of respect of their limits. Think about it: you ask the price, they state it and then you are saying no and moving the goal post. If a sex worker can’t trust you to respect their price why should they trust to respect any of their limits?
- And finally, remember that sex workers will have boundaries (limits) which are personal to them. Respect them.
2. What You See In Porn Isn’t Necessarily What We Want IRL
When watching any type of porn, what you see on the screen is performed by actors and actresses. That means it’s an act; it isn’t always a real expression of what real people want and do in real life.
Keep that in mind as you’re begging for us to perform calisthenics in the bedroom. While many sex workers are more than happy to indulge your fantasies, they still may decline (see the last bullet above).
That’s why it’s important to agree ahead of time as to what will go down. Before diving into the fun stuff, make sure you agree on things, such as:
- What type of play and sex will happen, and for how long.
- The exact price.
- The precise venue (keeping in mind that the sex worker will want to communicate locale to a friend in advance).
- Expectations, including whether penetration will take place, nudity, role play, toys, how a fantasy plays out for you or dressing up.
3. Master Some Basic Lingo
Words matter. Whenever there’s an exchange of money, it’s doubly important to speak the same language. As in every industry, sex workers share common lingo; get the terms right and you’ll have a much smoother, safer interaction.
Most sex workers prefer the term “sex worker” over “prostitute” or “whore.” For one, the latter has derogatory connotations, and for another, it dismisses the fact that the sex worker is, in fact, working. Yes, you can negotiate “name calling humiliation” making it consensual.
GFE stands for girlfriend experience, and it comprises your traditional, vanilla sex that you’d expect in any normal relationship. Cuddling, kissing, oral, penetration — all the usual acts of affection you’d expect with an emotional bond. Except there isn’t any nagging nor any laundry nor any “honey do list” to worry about.
A-Levels means anal penetration.
Click for a full list of Hobbyist Acronyms .
Sex workers are often compensated according to the amount of time together. If you ask for a “quickie”, expect 10 to 20 minutes of a person’s time. A “short time” generally means about a half hour and an “all-nighter” means you’ll get to play until morning. (I personally have a minimum of one hour and very rarely do an all-nighter because I sleep at night. I am simply not a night person.)
4. Keep It Clean
This one has multiple meanings.
On a very basic level, it means that you should shower, brush your teeth, and take care of basic hygiene needs before meeting up. This is just a common courtesy that makes it more enjoyable for everyone involved. If you are coming from a gym and want to take a shower first, ask if you can do that. Most sex workers will have zero problem letting you shower first. Ask if the time you take to shower counts into time of your session so you do not assume anything and have ruined expectations.
It also means that you should do your best to arrive sober. Not drunk, not high. If you are wanting to be super drunk or high, not fully aware, not fully present, why are you showing up? You are paying for an experience, be sober so that you may experience it. A drink or having a drink together is different.
Finally, it means plan on wearing a condom. Always. Sex workers are concerned about their sexual health, and whether it be for oral or penetrative, chances are high that they’ll expect you to dress for the occasion.